I can do more science, me…

Seeing as you all (all 2 of you) loved the articles I wrote on the Edna scale and The Theory of Dunkability, I thought it was about time to follow that up with something even more astoundingly ground-breaking. In fact, not only that, but this discovery will probably have significant life-changing implications for entire populations

Dear Charles Darwin (2)

Hey, Charles! Charlie boy! Yes, it’s me again, how ya doin’? Just a thought, if you and the Evolution department guys up there have a spare moment. It’s about the next step for human evolution. Yeah, I know, you guys have been thinking of all kinds of fancy stuff – wings, prehensile tails, telekinesis, all

I can do science, me: The Bouffant scale

You know how sometimes, after a really rough night of tossing and turning and not being able to sleep, you get up, stagger to the bathroom to splash some water on your face. Then you look up at the mirror and think “oh my god I look like Helena Bonham-Carter”? Well I figured there must

Why health and safety will (possibly) destroy our planet

Health and safety. Two words that send shivers of dread down the spine of anyone who has ever attempted to organise any kind of event. Or any architect or interior designer. Or schoolteacher, scout master or football trainer. Or anyone with any kind of responsibility whatsoever. And so it should. Not just because in most

I can has the powa?

I know NASA is trying to keep us busy with arsenic-eating bacteria, but what the world really needs right now is a big, useful discovery. Something that will change the world, prevent climate change and provide a renewable energy source. And be incredibly cute while doing so. No, not Brian Cox. Kittens. If you have

Theory of Dunkability

It has been widely acknowledged by major scientific authorities* that the measure of a civilisation’s cultural and spiritual advancement is defined by their recognition of the concepts of right and wrong. A simple test of this is to ask them to drink water from a mug. If they roll their eyes in horror and flatly

I can do science, me…

Before I begin to expose what may just be the most important advancement in modern science since the discovery of peanut butter, I should explain how this whole thing came about. A few days ago, the eminent Dr. Fluff P. Glitter (PhDJ) raised the question of how much creaking was normal for a 6-month-old hard