I can do science, me: The Bouffant scale

You know how sometimes, after a really rough night of tossing and turning and not being able to sleep, you get up, stagger to the bathroom to splash some water on your face. Then you look up at the mirror and think “oh my god I look like Helena Bonham-Carter”? Well I figured there must be some way the degree of hair-dishevelment could be an indicator of how badly you slept. So here it is. I’ve named it the Bouffant Scale. Enjoy.

The Sir Patrick You have no hair. I’m afraid this scale is not of much used to you.  No, those tiny fluffy bits on the side don’t count.     The Man Of Steel If you wake up and your hair is in the exact same position it’s always  in, then you might want to have a chat to your parents about where you came from (and those superpowers of yours)...   The Beckham Consider yourself lucky if you wake up and your hair looks like this. Apparently, some people spend a lot of time and money trying to acheive this look.    The Jedhead If you wake up and your hair is in this state, then you should start to worry. If there also happens to be an identical you in your bed with you, run. Fast.   The Joker Never mind how well you slept, your hair needs a good wash. And it might be time to see someone about those rather disturbing dreams you’ve been having.   The Gaiman I’d consider this the least scary state for hair to be in after a good night’s sleep. Scruffy but in a lovable way. Rock it.     The Winehouse How much do you remember about last night? It takes a lot of time and effort to get hair into this shape, so you should have some idea how it happened.   The Helena Oh dear. This is not usually a look that goes with a healthy restful night. Give it a brush (if you can manage to drag one through the tangles) and go back to bed.   The Bill Bailey Are you Bill Bailey? If so, then you totally rock this look and you are awesome. If not, then you probably can’t pull it off. Go get a haircut.    The Britney So... last night you had hair, right? And this morning you look like  this? I think that qualifies for a “rough night”. Time to get some rest  and have a good long think about your life.


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