What has it got in its pocketses?

Nothing. If it’s a girl, there’s a fair chance it doesn’t have any pocketses at all!

What the hell is it with female fashion and practicality?

I’m not even talking about haute couture, which we all know is absurdly impractical by nature, and often completely unwearable. If it doesn’t have a hat featuring a live elephant, shoes with the stilletto heels on the inside and a yeti-skin handbag, it ain’t fierce enough for the catwalk, darling.

Nope, I’m talking basic, bog-standard, barely-classier-than-primark,gokalicious highstreet. Why the hell is it so hard to find women’s office-wear slacks with pockets? You’d never find a men’s suit with no trouser pockets, for heaven’s sake, why on earth would women not need to carry their phones, keys, cards or a bit of cash around? “Because they have handbags”? So what? I’m not going to carry my bloody handbag around with me all the time!  Girls haved plenty of needs for pockets!

I mean, (squeamish men-folk look away now) just imagine you’re at the office and you need to go to the toilet and take a sanitary product with you. Are you really gonna take your bag with you? Or maybe you could hide it in your hand? Well you know that‘s when you’re going to bump into someone who wants to introduce you to some important visitor or something and you’re going to have to shake their hand and… Yup. Mortifying.

Ok, squeamish men-folk, you can look again.

Or even just walking from meeting to meeting with a laptop, a notepad, a phone and a cup of coffee, having pockets would make that so much easier. Well, the phone bit anyway… Ah you know what I mean! What about all those cringeingly awkward “meeting that guy you know but can’t remember his name in the lift” moments, where you’re just dying to have somewhere to hide your hands so you feel less conspicuous?

I have an inkling that somewhere, some overly camp fashion designer is moaning on about it being all about having a “nice clean line” and pockets “ruining the cut of the trousers and making them hang all wrong…” Jaysus, there isn’t a single nice clean line on my body, that’s what’s making the clothes hang all wrong, I’m a woman not a clothes hanger. By all means give the mannequin-shaped girls all the clean lines and impractical clothes you like, but let us normal* folk have our pockets!

*Of course I’m using the term “normal” in – quite literally – it’s broadest sense.

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