The invention of annoying

The other day, I somehow ended up with tickets to see Ricky Gervais at the O2 (the Dublin one, which although smaller than the London one, is at least a less ridiculous shape). I really like the O2 and what’s been done with it, both architecturally and the whole surrounding organisation of it – the O2 Angels are just totally awesome, always helpful, chatty, lovely people. Also, I was lucky enough to have access to the O2 Indigo lounge, which quite honestly just makes you feel like a total superstar. Also, the food up there is awesome. But let’s not get bogged down in the good stuff, this is a blog, its purpose is to have a place to rant and complain.

Now, I don’t dislike Ricky Gervais’s comedy, the little I’ve seen of it, I enjoyed. I’ve seen stuff that I’ve liked more, but hey, he got me laughing. And in the end, it wasn’t the actual show that annoyed me, his part was just great, and the room was packed up to the rafters, so obviously he’s doing just fine. I’m not even going to complain about the more osé jokes, I mean hey, if you can’t take jokes about fat, gay, ugly or handicapped people, or paedophiles, just don’t go to see stand up. Any stand up. EVER. And if you’re a fat, gay, ugly handicapped paedophile, please, for our your own sake, just stay at home.

So the comedy was fine, and even the supporting act, Stewart Francis, was ok. A little random in his overall rhythm, and a bit too rapid fire for my taste, but hey, he had us laughing.

Nope, what really annoyed the hell out of me was the many rather stupidly obvious rules that the poor staff had to recite to everyone.

“Please arrive before 7:30 sharp as Mr Gervais does not like people being late, so latecomers will not be admitted.”

“Please don’t use your cameras if you have one, or your mobile phones, don’t use them at all during the show, because Mr Gervais finds it distracting.”

“Please take your seats 5 minutes at the latest before the main part of the show, because Mr Gervais doesn’t want people walking around during the show.”

“Please take the lids off your bottles of water because Mr Gervais doesn’t want to get hit in the face.” – wow, wonder why he’s worried people might want to chuck stuff at him!

“Please do not burp, fart or pick your nose during the show, because Mr Gervais thinks this is icky.”

Ok, I made that last one up, but you get the gist. They’re all valid, understandable points, and yes, they’re things that annoy even me as a spectator, but pointing them out to people in that way is not going to help. Physically confiscating bottle tops, well, yes, that might actually work, but just pointing out obvious matters of politeness like that is just going to annoy the people who were going to abide by them of their own accord (like me), and provoke the jerks who already didn’t give a shit to do it more than they would have anyway. Never have I seen more people walking around, using their cameras and phones and just generally being rude. And for Dublin, believe me, that’s quite something.

Dear Mr Gervais, I liked your comedy, but I can’t help but see what everyone means when they say you come across as an utter cock when not performing. People are ignorant dicks, they always will be, so just suck it up like the rest of us and realise there’s nothing you can do. Or alternatively, stick a massive sign up at the box office that says “NO IGNORANT DICKS”.


One thought on “The invention of annoying

  1. ooh , poor ricky. please don’t distract me , i might forget my lines or lose my (misplaced ) confidence. then i’ll get angry, and you wont like me when i’m angry,’cause you can’t do a cheeky grin when your angry, so sit down, keep still and laugh when i say something funny . i.e every time i open my mouth.
    as you may have gathered , i’m not a fan. yes a cock of gargantuan size

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