Wendi Aarons’ famous rant about the Always slogan “have a happy period” is now one of those bits of Internet culture that are so well known they make Those Who Know groan and moan if some poor unsuspecting Net Newbie sends them on in an email. “Duh, like, that’s sooo 2007!”
But that slogan, as irritating and ridiculous as it may be, is far from being the only poor piece of marketing judgment. In fact, given some of the crap we’ve had to put up with lately, I’m fairly sure that somewhere, the Marketing Copywriter Fairy is sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, muttering to itself. It would seem that anyone with a remedial grasp of the English language is allowed to write for advertising nowadays, it doesn’t matter what it means, or what cunning or amusing wordmongery could have been wrought around the subject, nope, just throw some random affirmation and some lifestyle photography in there, shake it up and you’ll have an advert.
One of the sillier taglines I have seen lately was written for a SIM card backup service. “Losing your phone is like losing everyone you know” No it isn’t. It’s very annoying, admittedly, but “losing everyone you know”? Hey, sorry about that, while you were visiting that conveniently radiation-protective cave over there, and wondering whether those were stalactites or stalagmites, a freak explosion occurred and every human on Earth was immediately disintegrated. But hey, aren’t you glad you backed up your phone!
And then, there are advertising concepts themselves, they just keep getting dafter and dafter! We all know no real kid is ever going to want to go do a poo at Paul’s because of the deodoriser. No, he probably wants to go poo at Paul’s because Paul’s dad hides his naughty magazines in their bathroom, and he can go snigger at the ladies showing their titties.
Oh, Meerkats are African, by the way. Not Russian. Nope, sorry, definitely not Russian. Just because they bear a vague resemblance to Vladimir Putin does not make them Russian. You might as well stick a Jamaican accent on a polar bear.
Also, Iggy Pop is not selling time. In fact he shouldn’t even be selling car insurance. Like many other insurance companies, Swift Cover refuses to insure performing artists. Besides, people who are that interested in things like car insurance are probably not the biggest fans of Iggy Pop, I’m sure they would be more easily convinced by a man who could actually wear a shirt and didn’t continually sweat like a sumo wrestler’s groin on a hot day.
I know this is nothing new, there have always been terrible adverts, in fact, there are a few of them here that really put my ranting into perspective (check out the text on the Lysol one ladies, painful!) but lately I just seem to notice more and more of them. Maybe I’m just turning into a grumpy old woman. Yeah, that’s probably it.
Oh well, back to work, those Shreddies aren’t going to knit themselves.